thehypnobunny:

So, I owe most of my kinky life to joining my local community and attending real-life events. I see a lot of people around here who feel unable to do the same because the concept of talking to kinky strangers is extremely intimidating O.O but I don’t want anyone to give up hope because it can literally be the thing that changes your life.

So without furtherado……….

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HYPNOBUNNY’S  TRIED & TESTED TIPS ON HOW TO START CONVERSATIONS

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1.First. Are there beverages? Good. Get a beverage. Alcoholic or not, it’s way more comfortable to stand or walk around with a drink in your hand. You don’t have to worry about your hands and you look like you’re doing something. If it’s a sit-down meal, order something to eat/snack on.

2. So, you’re there, and you see someone you wanna talk to for some reason but don’t know how to start the conversation. What do???? O.O
Find something (appropriate) that you can compliment them on. My go-to is clothing.
“Wow, I love your necklace/dress/shirt/corset, it’s so pretty/comfortable-looking/cool”. They’ll often respond with where they got the item, or a story about it, often providing you with enough fodder to find another talking point.

Remember, starting conversations is like making a fire: find a spark, then keep blowing on it until it roars.

3. Wear your own conversation piece. I try to have an interesting necklace or a pair of shoes that stands out, with the intention of trying to get the above to happen to me. Works especially well if you have t-shirts with bands/video games/cartoon characters/your college on them (WE’RE ALL NERDS I TELL YOU).
     -This is why I wore cat ears to my first hypnosis convention, so people would have something to talk to me about. I’d respond with “Thank you, I made them myself!” to give people even more fodder.

4.Try this simple format, I’ve used it a million times:
    YOU: Compliment
    THEM: Gratitude, and possible story
    YOU: Comment about their story, or adding your own story
    THEM: Comment back to you
    YOU: “That’s awesome. By the way I’m Hypnobunny, nice to meet you.” Say a few things about yourself including that you’re new.

5. Ask people questions. People can often talk about themselves very easily, and if you can get somebody going they might talk long enough for you to find a common interest.
Talk about yourself too, but remember this isn’t the “you” show. Rule of thumb: If the other person hasn’t said more than a sentence in 5 minutes, time to ask a question.

6. Place yourself near conversations that are happening already, but don’t engage in them until you have something to say. I.e., stand an adequate distance away and look at something else (people across the room, your phone) until you find a place to chime in, or feel that one might be coming.
It looks a little odd if you join someone’s conversation circle and just stare at everyone talking for 10 minutes and never say anything (especially if there are vulnerable bottoms/subs in the group having things done to them).

7. If it’s a gathering organized on an internet forum, message people beforehand!! Find out who’s going, or better yet find the hosts. Don’t ask anyone to hang out with you, to wait for you, or to meet you when you get there: just introduce yourself, say you’re new, your’e going, and you wanted to message a few people and say hi before you showed up.
Don’t flirt, don’t ask for favors, and don’t write a book about yourself in their inbox. If they’ve got a profile, read it and maybe comment on a few of their interests. Even if they don’t respond, you’ll already have talking points with them, and you’ll feel less like you’re walking into a den of strangers and cliques.
     –(This is also helpful when you’re in a community of active people working under different pseudonyms! I went to three kink conventions before I realized someone I met at the first one was the guy whose audio files I owed most of my hypno-existence to X9 )

8. If it’s a party that needs volunteers to help set up, VOLUNTEER. You will meet people by working with them AND you’ll feel more comfortable walking around a party you helped set up.

9. If you’re an introvert like me, make sure to take bathroom stall/hotel room breaks to recharge from the over-stimulation so you don’t burn out. But otherwise, get in there, tiger!! You literally will meet no one if you’re not in the place where everyone is, or if you are but you’re on your phone the entire time afraid to look up.

10. And lastly…how to politely leave a boring conversation (because not everybody you meet will be a ray of sunshine):

   “That’s awesome…well, I gotta run/get some food/get a refill/run to the bathroom/talk to my friend over there, but I’ll see you around/great talking to you though/take care/good luck with your scene later.”  ***skamper off***