femsubdenial:

In eroticaland, you never do. In the real world, 

• If the sub completely panics, it’s much better for them to have a safeword and build trust than to have no safeword and risk obliterating trust.
• bathroom issues
• cramps
• pulled muscles
• gallstones, appendix, heart, asthma, …
• one friend of mine was tying someone up and they suddenly broke out in a rash… the current theory was that she was allergic to some cleaning chemical on the carpet.
• weird coughing fits that just won’t go away
• Once I was bottoming and I got really inexplicably angry. I can see how tickling can do that. In fact, here’s a pussy tickling video of it.
• “Oh shit I just realized I forgot to check my blood sugar!”
• catharsis that comes with tickling (or any scene) allowing some unrelated mental baggage to bubble up
• the top could try something new (slapping the outer thigh) which suddenly reminds the bottom of a creepy uncle when they were seven years old
• the bottom wanted a tickling scene, but it’s really too much for their tolerance and trust levels today
• the bottom likes tickling, but fuck you not in that spot
• the top suddenly notices something is off and wants to end it or at least call an official time-out and discuss it (yes, tops can use safewords, too)
• a real live bat flies into the room, and I know that sounds crazy but this really fucking happened to me once while my partner was tied and blindfolded.
• the ropes have tightened and fingers are tingling
• because the top could be even more cruel but is feeling guilty and hesitant about it.. until they check in and ask “What’s your color?” and are told “green”.

mistressmg:

lady–divine:

dominantlife:

bedroombondage:

A Dominant is a person with a dominant aspect in their personality who needs and chooses to expand on that dominance through a consensual power exchange. He may only require the power exchange in a limited capacity or may choose to exercise that dominance within a 24/7 relationship.

I want to talk a little about new Dominants. Yes, Dominants need training also. Contrary to popular belief by wannabe Doms, they are not born with the knowledge of a BDSM Master. Many people that just start out read a lot about different parts of the Lifestyle online and all of a sudden think they know everything. We all have met these people. And we all have laughed them right off our friends list also.

Before shouting out loud to everyone what a great Dominant you are, go find a mentor that actually has been around BDSM enough to be able to teach you. There is no shame in a submissive teaching you either. In fact, they will probably give you lots of insight into the inner psychology of the submissive. You should also try some of the things on yourself to understand what it feels like.

Be Humble. Do not strut around and shout out you are a Dominant. You have to earn respect. It is not a given. Be careful to not let your ego kill any chances you might have of building a relationship or getting a new play partner.

Be Tolerant. You will meet many people on your journey who will be completely different from yourself. Remember, no one was born with the knowledge of how to be a dominant, and only by keeping our minds open, can we expect to better ourselves.

Be Open. As you start to explore the wide and various world of BDSM, you have to remain open to learning new things and not automatically condemn something that is not to our liking.

Be Honest. Always tell the truth. Never lie to your partner or yourself. If you don’t know something (technique or knowledge wise), be honest and admit that. There is no shame in not knowing something. The shame comes in when you hurt someone by performing a scene and you hurt your partner because you didn’t have the training to do it correctly.

Study, Learn, and Study Some More. If you have chosen D/s as your lifestyle you must also choose to forever be a student willing to learn.

Communicate. Talk about everything! It doesn’t matter if you are the type of dom who plans out every last move in a scene, one who just wings it and does what feels right at the moment, or somewhere in-between; discuss with your partner things you would like to do and scenes you would enjoy, and encourage your partner to do the same.

Learn from Your Mistakes. Dominants are only human and you will make a mistake here or there. Admit it, learn from it, and try not to make the same error again.

Remember that you are here to dominate the submissive. Be firm and self-assured. Know what you want and do not apologize for wanting it. State your wants and needs clearly and clarify it should the sub not understand. Discipline transgressions consistently and make sure that you do what you say when you said you would. Use your voice and hand gestures and make sure that rules are established and that they are followed.

You need to make sure that you are physically able to play. For this you need some strength, fitness and agility some times. Make sure that you do not use drugs or alcohol when you play, as you need to be completely aware of the environment and the submissive much more so than she or he needs to be.

Have fun though and enjoy the journey. I am sure these tips will help. These tips are generic though and you will find them all over. Remember that wisdom lies in the oft-repeated phrases.

© Michelle Fegatofi

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more articles in the Library For Kinksters.

I talk about this all the time. When I mention that I was trained by a mentor in his private dungeon, a lot of people look at me like I have three heads. This is really not something you should enter into lightly, and as dominants, we owe it to our subs in any capacity to learn and know all we can. Why is that so hard for some people to understand?

I absolutely agree with you @lady–divine! While I didn’t have one personal mentor, I’ve never taken this lightly and have sat through many seminars to learn each skill I’ve been interested in with an experienced practitioner in the lifestyle. I’ve also been lucky enough to get plugged into local groups that are more than willing to help along the way. By far, my greatest mentor, for the psychological aspects of BDSM, was a male sub. He is still one of my dearest friends. I can’t imagine not continuing to educate myself and learn new skilks as I grow. I want to give my love, my submissive, the best I can.