Author: switchfun

I have a pretty serious question. It’s something that bothers me personally a lot… this is the thing: I like tot tie my girlfriend up in a lot of ways, preferably in a way she can’t do a lot. We both enjoy this. The thing is, I ‘dominate’ her in a way of knowing wat I am doing (I think). And thats the thing, I don’t know if I am dominant enough or that I need to be more dominant in some kind of way. Could you please help with explaining how you could be a good dominant?

keepingher:

Dominant means that YOU decide. It means that you make the decisions and assume responsibility for their consequences. You can listen to all the advice and help you want from as many people (submissive or dominant) as you want, but at the end of the day, the buck stops with you. You make the final decision, and you LIKE it that way.

The only way to be a bad dominant is to hold back on a decision for a bad reason. For example:

  • Treating her like a fragile thing that you can’t be rough with. This is a VERY common complaint among submissives.
  • Allowing her wants and feelings of the moment too much sway in your decision. If she has too much influence on your choices, she has too much control, and then feels the anxiety of responsibility for what you choose.
  • Holding back on punishments. Lack of consequences removes the security of your boundaries, which become no boundaries at all.
  • Giving her too much freedom. She becomes anxious and feels out of control when there are no comforting boundaries to rest against.

There are other things like not caring for her, not showing love, not communicating and such, but those fall under the category “traits of an asshole”.

Being “dominant enough” with a submissive means taking until you’re satisfied. It’s on you to take as much control in whatever ways you need to feel happy, without reservation, without hesitation, without guilt. She NEEDS to feel your satisfaction. If you stop before you’re satisfied, she’ll know because she’s highly tuned to that, and will feel like a failure. Your happiness is her happiness. If she’s not fulfilling (in her mind) enough of your longings and desires and cravings (and I’m not just talking sexually), she’ll start worry that she’ll lose you to someone “better” because she can’t satisfy you enough, because she’s not good enough.

So don’t add fuel to that fire. Take it away. Take more than anyone else; it’s what a dominant does. Take what you desire. Take until you’re sated.

TAKE HER.